this is the first day of my life.

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Thu, 01 Jan 2009 18:40:34 GMT

I'm getting paid 16 dollars an hour to stand here. 4 customers in 40 minutes.

Wed, 19 Nov 2008 00:52:05 GMT

hey everyone,
I'm going back to my older journal,writeinlight. I changed to this one for a stupid, personal reason, but much prefer the other username.

Mon, 17 Nov 2008 02:35:28 GMT

So, I just want to make it clear - I do have a boyfriend, who I live with, and while I'm perfectly happy to talk to people from livejournal, I am not interested in talking to you about my sex life or how much you masturbate.

Sun, 16 Nov 2008 17:48:55 GMT

These are from this morning.

We sat in bed and both cried for a couple hours last night. I don't know that it made anything better but I've been needing to cry.

Sun, 16 Nov 2008 17:14:18 GMT

I need to get more comfortable photographing people.

Sun, 16 Nov 2008 03:37:07 GMT

I am really disgruntled, and I have no one to talk to, and can't write anything about it, and feel very alone. And I don't want to show it. Because I can't talk about it with the only person there is to talk to.

Sun, 16 Nov 2008 01:00:54 GMT

Sun, 16 Nov 2008 00:50:31 GMT

"Don't tell your secrets to anyone, because ideas are vulnerable. As soon as you say your ideas out loud, they can go live on their own without you, and you will miss them oh so bad and you will wait for their return, and you will wish they were your own but ideas that left will never come back home."

Sat, 15 Nov 2008 00:02:50 GMT

A lonely stand of trees,
stark in their solitude
gather mist and hoard it for
the sunrise.
Waving long arms in
teasing, chilling gusts of air.
Sweet leaves float, flutter,
tenderly to a warm damp ground
where sturdy roots guide each other
through soil and rock and
find themselves crying
under the cover of patchy,
dying moss.
The sunrise fades to a
blue-grey dusk.
Hazy now, mist scattered
amongst branches and leaves
curling along a grassy floor
coiling itself around fresh
trunks, virgin in their green
vulnerable state, still bereft of
cover or shade or
protection.

photos!

Fri, 14 Nov 2008 23:16:58 GMT

I just got a pro account on flickr, so a bunch of photos are up now.
http://www.flickr.com/photos/writeinlight/sets/

Thu, 13 Nov 2008 05:20:34 GMT

I saw my dad for the first time in nearly five years tonight. We went out to dinner and talked and caught up. It was nice. It was a little awkward, but that's no real surprise.
I don't like my new store. I don't like the way they operate. They focus too much on unimportant things such as calling customers' names and not marking your own drinks, and don't focus enough on vital things like not letting shots expire and not re-steaming milk or dumping 120 degree pitchers of milk into 140 degree pitchers of milk. Those are the things that matter, that affect the customers, that are serious health code violations. Marking my own drink instead of spending my entire break waiting in line so someone else can mark it, because that's the standard? Bullshit.
I've been really stressed out lately. It's probably mostly the shit at work.
School has been going well, except I missed a class last week and am missing both classes this week. Last week I had no good excuse. Tonight was a good excuse, but tomorrow is just my forgetfulness - I agreed to take a shift and realized six hours later that I had class, but it was too late to switch it back.
I'm tired, as usual, and am going to bed.
Oh, yeah, yesterday was my birthday. Brian, Diana and I went to a vegan pizza place in Allston then came home and had a tea party. It was nice, but that's all that really happened yesterday. The weekend was nice though. Friday is dinner with the whole family. Eeeeek.

Obamamamamaaaaa

Wed, 05 Nov 2008 06:52:27 GMT

Helmeted, motorcycled riot cops wait in rows of ten on corners. Groups of college students walk in the streets, yelling and cheering. A crowd gathers around a boy playing a trumpet, and they start a mini parade. A helicopter circles above, around and around. The Fens are surrounded by State troopers. An old couple leans out of an open window and cheers with the passing group of students.

And for once it's not because of a sports team.

Fri, 31 Oct 2008 02:38:25 GMT

So many mixed emotions, about so many things. I don't know what to think or how to feel.

Fond memories mingle with painful ones until I'm not sure which is which, and it all seems the same, a big grey mixture.

I can't remember if I'm supposed to be happy or sad about certain things.

I can't explain it, but that doesn't make it illegitimate or any less real.

I'm cold. And I don't feel well for the past two days.

Thu, 23 Oct 2008 00:58:47 GMT

I've gotten all A's in both of my classes so far, and this week is our mid-terms. I just finished the Literature mid-term, which was probably easier than some of the homework I've had, and I don't think I will have a problem with the rest of the class.
The only thing I am slightly worried about is that I'm supposed to do a presentation on the full-length work I picked, which was Walden, and I am a grand total of 27 pages into it. This would be no big deal, as I can sit down and read a whole book in a day if I want to, but this particular one is somewhat tedious to read and therefore I dedicate no time to it. It's interesting, but time consuming and verbose. Maybe it will get more captivating as I get further into it. I sure hope so, or I'm going to have an interesting time with my final.
I've been wanting to draw a lot lately so I got a sketchpad and some good pencils and spent some time with them last night. It made me feel good.
I transfer in less than two weeks and I'm kind of nervous.
I got really upset with Steph yesterday for all her backstabbing shit talk, and wrote her an email telling her to basically shut the fuck up, at least at work. I tried to make it as nice as possible when you're telling someone to shut the fuck up, or at least not say anything she could attack me with, and I think I did okay. She of course took the "I don't know what the hell you're talking about, I've never said anything mean about anyone in my entire life" route. Whatever. I sent a copy of it to my manager so in case it became an issue at work, she'd know exactly what I said and not Steph's interpretation of it, and all Christina had to say was "that's fine, if she leaves her shifts will be easy to cover."
I really, really like having the boss on my side. Just saying. Total teacher's/boss's pet.
Yesterday I met up with Jen and we went to Vera's and baked apple stuff. I made pie, Jen made apple crisp and Vera made apple sauce. We listened to Savage Garden and had a good time. It is nice to have friends. Really, really nice. Vera said something like "it's kind of good that you're transferring, because that forces us to hang out outside of work. I definitely won't let you slip away!"
Ashley, I miss you. I'm sorry for my bullshit last year before you went back to NY. I was a pretty terrible friend, and I am really sorry.

Wed, 15 Oct 2008 17:44:02 GMT

procrastinate procrastinate procrastinate
just one more thing to do before I do the paper that's due in 5 hours
I don't know what that one thing is yet but I'll keep saying it for 3 hours, then have one hour before the hour commute, decide not to do it because it's only extra credit after all, and then I'll regret it
procrastinate, procrastinate, procrastinate....

Wed, 15 Oct 2008 01:01:34 GMT

I'm feeling lonely.
I have no real friends anymore; there are a lot of people around me and a lot of people I like but no one I'm close to. No one I can spend time with comfortably, without feeling like there have to be plans. No one like Kaitlan and Kortney, and like Christina O. used to be. We could always find something to do, and even if there wasn't anything in particular we could sit around and still have a good time.
I miss it.
I'm transferring stores in three weeks. The new store is right down the street from our apartment, by the Children's Hospital. It seems like a good store. It's very busy. I'm sad to leave the Post, because most of the new girls are great and I really enjoy working with them, but I'm not sad about a two minute bike ride. Or a fifteen minute open. Or closing at 9:30.
School is going well. I've been getting all A's so far. I like my Literature teacher, and the English teacher likes me. A girl in my English class used to hang out with my brother, when he hung out with Sean, who she lives near. Small world.
I have to open again tomorrow so I should go to bed. I need someone to talk to. I don't know what about but I need friends.

Sun, 05 Oct 2008 02:36:21 GMT

I am discontent. And I do not know why.

Sun, 28 Sep 2008 00:18:24 GMT

You've got a face on, and I can't see the color in your eyes.
It's drained from your cheeks, too. They're frozen.
It's been at least a decade since I last spoke.
I forgot what the words meant and my tongue stopped.
It hasn't moved in ages.
Smoky steamy breath pushes beyond your nostrils.
It leaves trails in the air that grow and dissipate.
You haven't opened your mouth since I got here.
What is that on your lips? A tender tinge of frost?
Twisted ever so slightly up at each corner, more on the right.
It hasn't been so long since we saw it.
It was there from the beginning, a touch of breeze.
Simple and delightful just like you were the first night.
I taught the things I saw to the people I saw.
Pointed out the sun and beams of light to passerby.
Shining, I told them, shining shimmering light.
Ready to enter your mouth and ears and nose and eyes.
If you would only open them a little wider.
Glistening puddles of oil slicked the ground.
We slipped through them as children seeing only rainbows.
Splashed those greasy rainbows all over our legs and arms.
Our shorts and skirts and tank tops were ruined.
It was there from the beginning. Can't you see that?
That touch of coolness hiding within warm arms.
It hasn't been so long that I've forgotten.
It hasn't been so long that I can't see you.
Your eyes still wrinkle when you're telling the truth.
My eyes don't. I trained them not to.

Fri, 19 Sep 2008 21:32:25 GMT

Fri, 19 Sep 2008 13:19:38 GMT

DREAM

Brian and I were in bed cuddling, and he told me he loved me several times. I got up and went into the kitchen. I was washing dishes, and he came in. I don't remember the exact words he used, but it was something along the line of we weren't good for each other anymore. I started crying, while still washing dishes, and he was behind me. He put his arms around me from behind and said "I can't help you, this is all your fault. You always put yourself through this." I stopped crying and asked if he was going to go back to Emily. He shrugged and said he was going to give her a call. Then he left it up to me to decide what to do with the apartment.

Sometimes my dreams really fucking bother me.

Mon, 15 Sep 2008 04:29:43 GMT

I guess I've been busy.
Haven't been on the computer much, anyway. Haven't had much use for it lately.
Things are going well.
I don't really have much to say at the moment.
But hi, I'm alive.

Thu, 04 Sep 2008 20:37:17 GMT

First class last night.
Second class tonight.
Moved in.
I have homework - hurray! Except now I don't feel like reading Bradford's awful 1650's English. (I suppose awful is the wrong word to use, but....)

Mon, 01 Sep 2008 03:17:41 GMT

I went to my first poetry slam tonight.
It was interesting.
The guy who "won" was a jackass who was full of himself but knew how to work a crowd, and therefore he won.
I want to do slam poetry but I'm way too self-conscious and I don't have that performance persona that I think is required.
So maybe I'll stick around for the open mic next time and do that.
Probably not though.
I move in the morning.

Fri, 29 Aug 2008 14:56:03 GMT

Fri, 29 Aug 2008 14:33:54 GMT

I'm fucking pissed. My credit card is now $65 over the limit because a payment protection charge, which I canceled months ago. Or I guess I thought I canceled months ago but apparently I don't understand anything about the fucking language they speak because somehow I agreed to something that let them keep charging me every month. I pay three times the minimum payment every month and somehow get some fucking charge that takes it right back over the limit, so they charge me another fucking $39 for each time that happens, which takes it even further over the limit. I've only used the card three times in the past three months and none of those transactions took it anywhere near the limit. Last month it was $1 over from the fucking payment protection so this month they charged me $39 for that and then a membership fee which I totally wasn't expecting. Am I the idiot, who doesn't understand this bullshit, or are they fucking assholes?
Way to wake up.
I closed my account but now I need to pay the whole balance within 90 days and I don't fucking have $565 to handle that. And I bet they'll keep charging me all the fees until then.
AND I FUCKING HATE OPERATORS WHO DON'T LISTEN AND WON'T STRAY FROM THEIR WELL-PRACTICED SPEECH.
God fucking damnit.
I'm so pissed.